How to Be an Even Better Listener by Robert Mundle

Author:Robert Mundle
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784508296
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2018-10-17T16:00:00+00:00

What kind of energy do I bring? Do I use it in a helpful, healing way? How do I know this about myself?

Elizabeth Tova Bailey expressed how eagerly she awaited her visitors. Like the golden seams in Kintsugi ceramics, she described how her friends were “golden threads randomly appearing in the monotonous fabric of my days” (2010, p.38). Bailey needed her visitors to be present and available to her—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She needed her visitors to match the quiet energy of her own attentive stillness. Yet she was astonished by the random way her friends moved around the room. “It was as if they didn’t know what to do with their energy,” she said, “they were so careless with it” (p.39). Observing her visitors, she noticed how it took time for them to settle down.

They sat and fidgeted for a while, then slowly relaxed until a calmness finally spread through them. They began to talk about more interesting things. But halfway through a visit, they would notice how little I moved, the stillness of my body, and an odd quietness would come over them. They would worry about wearing me out… Eventually, discomfort moved through my visitors… Their energy would turn into restlessness, propelling their bodies into action with a flinging of the arms or a walk around the room; a body is not meant to be still. Soon my visitors were off. (pp.39–40)

Jill Bolte Taylor described in My Stroke of Insight (2008) how at 37 she experienced a rare form of stroke in the left hemisphere of her brain that left her unable to walk, talk, read, write, or recall any part of her life. It took more than eight years of rehabilitation therapy for her to recover. In the midst of her chaos she needed her visitors to bring her positive energy. “It was very difficult for me to cope with people who came in with high anxious energy,” she said.

I needed people to come close and not be afraid of me. I desperately needed their kindness. I needed to be touched—stroke my arm, hold my hand, or gently wipe my face… I really needed people to take responsibility for the kind of energy they brought me. We encouraged everyone to soften their brow, open their heart, and bring me their love. Extremely nervous, anxious or angry people were counter-productive to my healing. (pp.125–126)

The energy that visitors provided Jean-Dominique Bauby was his lifeline. In The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (1997) he described how he faced the horror of “locked-in syndrome” following a severe stroke that nearly killed him. Almost completely paralyzed, he could communicate only by blinking his left eyelid. Remarkably, by such tenuous connection to various dedicated listeners, Bauby dictated his thoughts and feelings letter by letter to the outside world.

“It is a simple enough system,” he explained, “you read off the alphabet (ESA version, not ABC) until with a blink of my eye I stop you at the letter to be noted.” Repeating this

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.